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Queen sells up and moves to Ibiza

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Following the death of her husband, Elizabeth Windsor is set to move out of the family homes and head for a life in the sun.

“One has always wanted to chillax Balearic-stylee” said the nonagenarian, “but Phil wouldn’t hear of living among foreigners. He had bad memories of his Mediterranean childhood. His family were so poor when they fled Greece that they couldn’t afford Eton and had to send him to Gordonstoun, wherever that is. But now he’s gone – bless his soul – one is orf to the beachfront villa one has always wanted!”

While house prices and living costs in Ibiza are high, it’s thought that sales of the Queen’s multi-billion pound property portfolio should leave her in a financial position to basically do whatever she likes.

Meanwhile, no buyers for her estate have been named, although there are unconfirmed reports that a London metalwork company has been contracted to manufacture a 20-foot wrought-iron addition to the gates of Buckingham Palace, reading simply “Trump Palace”.


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